


Dont want you for a weekend

by BurnInFlames



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, I dont even know if it can be classed as angst, Insecure Mickey, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Ian, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 00:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9574709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnInFlames/pseuds/BurnInFlames
Summary: Ian and Mickey live together and when Mickey gets sick of Ian's one night stands he calls Ian out on the whole thing and tells him he's done and looking for another place to live. Mandy who is also sick of watching her brother pine over his best friend tells Mickey either do something about it or get over it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original title for this was 'I didn't know I could want you so deep until I saw you with someone who's not me' from the Zara Larson song 'I would like' but I changed it to what I have now because it didn't fit the story. But if you prefer the other title than the one I picked I don't mind at all.

Mickey woke up in the middle of the night when he heard his phone buzz on the small table beside his bed in his apartment that he shared with his best friend Ian. He knew who it was straight away judging by the sounds coming from Ian's room next to his own but he still grabbed the phone off the table. He rubbed his eyes as he opened the message to see Ian sent him a picture of the latest guy he bought home from the gay bar as a one night stand with the caption 'is he hotter than the last guy' with a smiley face.

Mickey scoffed shaking his head in disbelief while rubbing his eyes with his fingers and focused on the screen to see a ripped muscular guy in the picture that looked like he didn't know what carbs were and had five percent body fat. Mickey rolled his eyes deciding to reply 'the guy probably doesn't even know what carbs are and your fucking standards are dropping' knowing it would annoy Ian but judging from the groans coming from Ian's room he knew Ian wouldn't read the message.

He was proven wrong when the noise stopped and his phone buzzed again and when he looked it at Ian had replied back 'very funny asshole but you may be right" with another stupid smiley face that made Mickey want to storm into Ian's room and tell him to quit with the fucking smiley faces. He didn't but instead turned his phone off and put it back on the table before turning over in his bed and pulling the covers over his head hating that he had to listen to those sounds as he fell back asleep.

He didn't even listen to the small whisper in his mind that told him he wanted Ian in that way because he knew Ian only saw him as a friend. He just didn't know how long he could put up with Ian never noticing him especially when Ian would tell him he was tired of being alone. But Mickey never found the nerve to say he was interested and he wasn't sure he ever would find that nerve because he was afraid Ian would reject him.

* * *

 

Days later Mickey was halfway between drunk and blackout drunk which was probably why he was spilling his guts to Mandy as they sat at a table in the corner of the gay club where both he and Ian worked. It was Mickey's night off and he was determined to get as drunk as he could knowing that Ian would find some random guy to take home for the night and Mickey needed something that would make him pass out and not hear a thing when he got home to bed.

He would never admit it to anyone but he was envious of those guys that got to be with Ian because they had what he would never have which was a certain tall, lean, hot redhead that was just his best friend. Mickey was just tired of the explicit sexual dreams about his best friend. No that was a lie because he loved them not that he would ever admit it but then no one needed to know that so he didn't care that much.

He just hated that when he woke up that for a few seconds the dream felt like it was real, like so real he thought it actually happened. And then reality would kick in reminding him it was just his own mind taunting him in his sleep. As he silently watched Ian behind the bar flirting with some random guy Mickey let out a dejected sigh and tossed back a filled shot glass that was on the table feeling the alcohol burn his throat before putting the empty glass on the table.

He wished Mandy would hurry back with those drinks but when he looked over at his sister at the other end of the bar from Ian he saw she flirting with some girl. Mickey looked back over at the object of his desire and he imagined just walking over to Ian right now and grabbing Ian's shirt and kissing him intensely before dragging him home to his bed and showing Ian what he was missing.

As he looked at Ian Mickey felt a slight smirk form on his face as he indulged in a dirty fantasy involving Ian and it wasn't hard considering Ian walked around their apartment shirtless most of the time. He groaned when he heard Mandy sit in front of him interrupting his thoughts that were starting to enter explicit territory as she put another beer in front of him quipping "just fucking ask him out already would you" tiredly.

Mickey moved some of the empty bottles to the side of the table before reaching for the bottle of beer Mandy brought over replying "he's not interested Mandy, he's fucked every guy in here, its obvious he doesn't want anyone except for sex" with a slight slurring of his words. Mandy groaned as she drank her beer looking at her brother replying "never know until you ask" lightly.

Mandy was sick of watching this shit show of her brother pining after his best friend and she wondered if she could see it then how could Ian not see it. Mickey groaned rubbing his face with hand now feeling tired and rested his elbow on the table and leaning his chin on his palm as he looked over at Ian. He let out a tired sigh not wanting to voice his fear of losing Ian as a friend but he didn't say that and blurted out before he could stop it "so he can laugh at me" in a whisper.

Mandy heard it and kicked him on the shin glaring at him replying "quit it with that shit, you know he wouldn't laugh at you because he isn't like that and you know it" firmly. Mickey bit his lip before looking away from Ian and at his sister replying "yeah you're right" lightly knowing it was true. He knew Ian wouldn't laugh at him because Ian wasn't like that and he knew Ian cared about him a lot but just as a friend and nothing more but fuck did Mickey want it to be more.

He knew Ian wasn't an asshole but Mickey asked guys out in the bar and they laughed at him and told him he wasn't good enough for them but he didn't say that to Mandy. He didn't tell her how those guys made him feel like shit in the same way Terry made him feel like shit and still did years later after the homophobic asshole got what he deserved and was brutally killed in prison. And it was those reasons that just made Mickey think he wasn't good enough for Ian.

He was broken from his thoughts again when Mandy handed him a shot glass blurting out "those guys probably don't even know Ian is bipolar, they wouldn't stick around if they knew about his disorder, they'd run for the fucking hills the second he had an episode" firmly. Mickey shook his head in agreement hating he was now just feeling sorry for himself as he tossed back the shot of tequila or whatever it was and swallowed it down and put the glass on the table hissing "got that fucking right" icily.

Mickey knew it was the truth because he was the only one that stayed by Ian's side since the early days of his bipolar disorder and was there for him when he meds stopped working and Ian didn't want to be alone. Mandy drank some of her beer before clearing her throat and picked at the label on the bottle blurting out "you know he really cares about you, fucker never shuts up about you when he's with me and you're not there, maybe he does like you like that" softly.

Mickey scoffed into his beer "yeah fucking right" defensively and not believing a word. Mandy rolled her eyes replying "fine don't believe me" hating that her brother wasn't listening to her at all because she did think that maybe Ian liked her brother too. Mickey ignored her and drank some of his beer looking over at Ian and saw the red head looking over at him and Mickey rolled his eyes and raised his middle finger to Ian from across the room.

He saw Ian laugh and return the gesture before he served another customer. Mandy looked over her shoulder and saw the whole thing and rolled her eyes at these two idiots and decided she had enough and drank the rest of her beer glaring at her brother blurting out "well there's a girl over there flirting with me and I'm taking action, I suggest you do the same asshole because I'm sick of fucking listening to you pine over Ian" in a tired tone that didn't match her amused expression.

Mickey scoffed looking at her replying "yeah fuck you bitch, you drag me out here and fuck off on me" lightly. Mandy reached across the table and punched him on the shoulder hissing "it was your fucking idea to come here, called me asking to go get drunk with you but you've been looking at Ian since we got here, if I'd known this was a pity party I wouldn't have fucking bothered" firmly.

Mickey rested his elbow on the table and reached for another shot glass on the table knowing she had a point replying "yeah alright fucking leave, the fuck do I care bitch" tiredly hating that he didn't sound as angry as he would have liked but instead just sounded hurt and abandoned again. Mandy noticed it and noticed his defeated expression staying silent while fidgeting in her seat deciding to just say it "just do something about it, put yourself out of your fucking misery once and for all, stop being a fucking wimp" firmly.

Mickey tilted the shot glass in her direction replying "doing that now, putting myself out of my misery I mean" sarcastically before tossing back the drink and putting the glass on the table deciding he needed more alcohol to drown out his feelings. He could just imagine Terry's right now if he saw him sitting here pining over someone especially another man and it made Mickey scoff at the thought of it as he shook his head deciding he was fucked for life.

Mandy groaned in frustration replying "what I mean is fucking grow a pair and talk to Ian or get the fuck over it and move on" firmly before walking away. Mickey just looked at the table again as he heard Mandy walk away while thinking she didn't get it at all. He was almost envious of Mandy too in the way that while she knew she wasn't good enough it didn't stop her from going after what she wanted even if it meant rejection.

Mandy had this ability to get back up when she got knocked down and she always came back stronger each time but Mickey was never able to be like Mandy in that way. When he got knocked down he stayed there, a part of him died every time and the part that told him he wasn't good enough grew in strength every time. And he knew if Ian rejected him it would end him and he would lose Ian because he didn't think he could ever be around Ian again if Ian didn't feel the same way.

Mickey knew he was better off alone but there was something about Ian that he couldn't shake off him and he didn't even want to try. Ian had gotten under his skin and Mickey didn't care because Ian was everything he ever wanted but he wasn't sure he would ever have in his life. He tossed back the last shot glass on the table as he realized Mandy was right but he wouldn't let her know she was right even though he knew she probably knew she was right.

But he just couldn't take Ian and his one night stands with random guys anymore as he finally came to a conclusion that it was either tell Ian how he felt or move out. He looked over at Ian again as he drank his beer deciding on a decision which was he was moving out because he would rather have his best friend that lose him over something stupid.

* * *

 

He didn't know how long it was before he walked over to the bar and leaned against it feeling the alcohol race through him making him feel relaxed and a lot braver than he felt before he came over to the bar to talk to Ian. Ian noticed him standing on his own and grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and stood in front of his friend putting the bottle in front of him asking "you okay there" not hiding how amused he felt at seeing Mickey drunk.

Mickey rested his elbow on the bar as he sat on the stool looking at Ian with a small smile while narrowing his eyes "the fuck you getting at" lightly. Ian scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest replying "Mandy get you drunk again" before biting his lip. Mickey scoffed "fuck you" lightly before drinking his beer. A silence fell before Mickey looked at Ian asking "so when you finished work" curiously while hating the slight slurring of his words.

Ian reached for two shot glasses and filled them up with whiskey before handing one to Mickey replying "in an hour" softly. Mickey took the glass off Ian and neither one of them looked away as they tossed them back and put the empty glasses back on the bar to which Ian just refilled the glasses. Mickey noticed it and grabbed Ian's wrist with his hand and lightly rubbed it with his thumb not looking away raising his eyebrows almost flirting "you trying to get me drunk Red" humouredly.

Ian softly laughed as he glanced around and seeing no one behind the bar noticed him he looked at Mickey replying "its on me" lightly not looking away from Mickey and he didn't want to either. Mickey let Ian's wrist drop still not looking away from Ian "fill them up but you should know I'm not that easy" humouredly. Ian grinned and filled up the glasses which they drank before Mickey smirked at Ian while looking him up and down in approval blurting out before he could stop it "or maybe I am who the fuck knows, only one way to find out" lightly not hiding the amusement from his voice or face.

Ian didn't get the chance to say anything as Mickey refilled his glass with the bottle on the bar muttering to himself "I mean I know I am at the back of that line when it comes guys chasing your ass but a guy can dream right" softly. Mickey didn't even realize that Ian heard it and was looking at him with a surprised expression before clearing his throat and he didn't know what to say as he wondered did Mickey like him but he ignored it deciding they were just best friends.

Ian leaned over the bar not wanting to ask Mickey any more questions while he was working before whispering "think Mandy was right you are drunk" humouredly. Mickey raised his middle finger at Ian before laughing to himself "fucking Mandy" lightly. Ian wasn't having it and refilled the two shot glasses before sliding them in front of Mickey and putting the bottle just under the bar top for Mickey to grab when no one was looking.

Ian cleared some glasses sitting on the bar top before replying to his friend "don't blame Mandy, she told me you were having a pity party over there in the corner" lightly. Mickey looked disgusted hissing "fucking was not" hating that his sister was actually right but Ian didn't need to know that at all and that it was over Ian too. Ian slightly laughed at Mickey's expression looking at him in disbelief blurting out "sure if you say so" lightly.

Mickey groaned knowing Ian didnt believe him grunting "get back to fucking work asshole" hating that his emotions were showing and that he didn't want to hide them either. Ian shook his head letting out a small laugh before walking away from Mickey not even noticing Mickey looking at him longingly as he walked away. As Ian didn't get chance to talk to him for the rest of his shift Mickey just stealthily helped himself to the bottle of whiskey that Ian left sitting just under the bar top and he knew Ian did it on purpose.

An hour later Mickey was still sitting at the bar deciding he was going to regret all this in the morning but he didn't have too long to regret it since Ian sat on a stool beside him and put a glass of water on the bar top before he threw his arm over Mickey's shoulder. Ian moved the stool closer so he was pressed right up against Mickey's side to which Mickey lightly elbowed him in the ribs muttering "not picking out your prey for tonight" bitterly.

Ian heard it and looked shocked before laughing out loud and shook his head in disbelief replying "fuck you, I only do that because no guy wants to be with me" lightly. Mickey knew it was a bit of a low blow but he didn't care because he was the one who had to listen to it looking at his bottle of beer muttering "its me that has to fucking listen to it or fucking threaten the assholes to leave if they wont" not hiding the hurt from his voice.

He really hated that he was spilling his guts to Ian but he decided to blame the alcohol but he really had enough especially when Ian pulled him closer telling him "come on you could have any guy here" lightly. Mickey bitterly smirked looking at the bottles stacked behind the bar on the wall rubbing his lip with his thumb muttering "don't want anyone else" not adding just fucking want you.

Ian didn't hide the confusion from his face before he drank his glass of water that he took with him when he finished his shift before hesitantly adding "how do you know if you wont give anyone a chance" softly. Mickey tiredly groaned and rubbed his face with his hand deciding he drank way too much especially as he thought I just want you and no one else. Ian quickly responded "what do you mean you only want me and no one else" curiously.

Mickey froze hoping he didn't say that out loud but when he looked at Ian he knew he said it out loud and mentally punched himself for it grunting "doesn't fucking matter, I know you aint interested" hating that he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. A silence fell as Ian tried to get his thoughts together because while he knew he had feelings for his best friend he didn't think Mickey felt the same way.

Mickey took Ian's silence as rejection and he just felt angry, humiliated and hurt now as he quickly stood up almost stumbling on the spot hissing "fuck you, don't have to act so fucking shocked, I know I don't look like the other assholes here but you don't have to look at me like that" hating the alcohol hit him harder as he wondered just how much he drank since he got here.

He tried to walk away but Ian was quicker and was now standing right in front of Mickey resting his hands on the bar caging him between his arms so he couldn't get away. Mickey sighed in defeat at Ian's quick reflexes while rubbing his face with his hands and squeezing his eyes shut leaning back against the bar before looking at Ian asking "what do you want me to say" curiously.

Mickey was just pissed off, drunk and tired and fed up with Ian deciding that Mandy was right in what she said earlier in the night. Ian stepped a little closer but relaxed when he saw Mickey wasn't going to run replying "the truth" firmly. Mickey bit his lip anxiously knowing this was going to end so badly but he wasn't doing it here and pushed Ian off him "I'm not doing this here" softly.

Ian wasn't having it and hated that sick feeling like something bad was going to happen as he grabbed Mickey's arms "no talk to me please, just let me fix this" pleadingly. Mickey let out a sigh before looking around the room hating that Ian had this effect on him and then he looked at Ian replying "no because then I'll have to move out and then you'll never talk to me again" firmly.

Ian licked his lips feeling anxious but as he looked at Mickey he knew something was wrong blurting out "you wont and I will but just tell me, I cant fix it if you don't tell me" softly. Mickey decided to take Mandy's advice and talk to Ian before he lost him for good replying "fine" softly. Ian nodded and relaxed a little but he didn't move away from Mickey afraid that he would bolt when he got the chance.

Mickey looked at the floor letting Ian know just how frustrated he was blurting out "I'm sick of these fucking pervs you bring home every night, I'm sick of listening to that shit and the fucking texts and them looking at me when they leave the next morning like I'm a piece of shit" angrily not adding I know I am but they don't have to look at me like that either.

Ian didn't know Mickey felt that way and he didn't hide how sorry he was replying "I'm sorry" genuinely. Mickey looked away from Ian realizing just how tired he felt right now and then he looked back at his friend "no Ian I'm done, I'm moving out because I cant watch that shit anymore, I cant deal with you hanging around these guys who don't give a shit about you especially when they find out about your disorder and leave and I have to pick up the fucking pieces" tiredly.

Ian was really hurt now and he didn't hide it either replying "fuck you, I never made you stay, you can fucking leave if you want" angrily. Ian didn't understand this at all because Mickey was always there for him since day one of his disorder and he didn't know why Mickey was saying all of this and he wanted answers. Mickey looked up at Ian looking over his face and down over his body hating that he could never have Ian the way he wanted before he looked Ian in the eyes replying "I don't want to leave but I cant watch you do this anymore" softly.

Ian looked confused and lightly shoved Mickey's shoulder hissing "the fuck do you mean by that asshole" icily. Mickey groaned in frustration and rubbed his eyes with his fingers deciding he might as well keep going since the conversation was already a disaster and with the way Ian was looking at him he knew their friendship was over.

He drove in the final nail looking at Ian whispering "I fucking love you okay, have for years and I know you don't feel the same way so I'll move out tomorrow" softly before moving to walk away. Ian stopped him by grabbing his shoulder with his hand glaring at him "you cant say that shit and walk away" firmly. Mickey bitterly laughed before letting out a tired groan and leaned back against the bar "why not" softly.

A silence fell as Ian tried to get his thoughts together and Mickey added "I know you only want one night stands but I'm not into that at all so my loss" not hiding the hurt in his voice and hating it too. Ian's jaw dropped as he stumbled over his words "I thought you didn't do relationships" curiously. Mickey scoffed in disbelief knowing he wanted all of that with Ian and so much more replying "so did I" before laughing to himself at how things had changed.

There was a time he really didn't want that kind of thing but being friends with Ian just made him want all of that with Ian and he didn't know when that changed but all he knew was that right now he was open to that with Ian. But it looked like Ian didn't want it at all and now Mickey wished he kept quiet and ignored Mandy's advice. Ian stepped a little closer resting his hand on Mickey's hip and looked at it mumbling "I want that too" softly.

Mickey heard it and bit his lip before asking "yeah I get it, just not with me" not hiding the hurt in his voice. Ian looked up with hurt on his face hesitantly replying "no that's not it, I do but I just thought you didn't want that with me" softly. Mickey scoffed as he wished Ian would stop running his thumb across his hip just under his tshirt and standing so close to him but he didn't have it in him to push Ian away and he didn't want to either.

Mickey silently looked at Ian before blurting out "remember the last time your meds crapped out and had to be changed" curiously. Ian nodded as the memory of that night replayed in his mind replying "yeah I asked you to stay in bed with me because I didn't want to be alone and you did" firmly. Ian remembered that night where he just cried because he felt so alone, lost and broken that he didn't know if he would ever feel any differently until Mickey just told him he wasn't alone and never would be because he would never leave him for the rest of their lives.

Mickey didn't look away as he rested his hand on Ian's chest before grabbing his tshirt and pulled Ian a little closer replying "I told you I loved you that night, that you'll always have me and I'll never leave and I mean it" firmly. A silence fell as Mickey just glanced over Ian's face almost sighing "you're under my fucking skin, the fuck can I do about it" lightly. Ian stepped closer asking in pleading tone "so why the fuck are you leaving me" not hiding how hurt he looked or felt.

Mickey felt himself sober up a little as he bit his lip "I'm not leaving, I'm just saying I cant watch you with those assholes when I want you the way they get to have you" not adding its not fair because he had limits on just how pathetic he was going to act. But his brain decided to keep going without his permission "that night I meant I love you more than a friend and I want more but I just don't want to lose you as a friend if you don't feel the same way" firmly.

Ian nodded letting out a tense sigh replying "I get it" softly. Mickey rested his hands on Ian's ribs before sliding them down and resting them on his hips as he stepped closer to Ian hating that he was the cause of the look of hurt on Ian's face asking "just tell me what you want" hoping he didn't sound as scared as he felt. Ian looked at him not even hesitating "I want you to stay, dont leave me" not hiding how scared he felt.

Mickey bit his lip to stop himself from grinning but it was too late as Ian saw it so Mickey replied "fine I'll stay" firmly. Ian exhaled in relief deciding he needed to tell the truth "I like you more that a friend too" shyly. Mickey froze on the spot and didn't hide his confusion "what" in a whisper. Ian slightly shook his head looking at the floor and lightly rubbing his thumb across Mickey's hip blurting out "the reason I had all those guys over was because I was trying to get over my feelings for you, I thought I could but it didn't work, I never told any of those guys I'm bipolar, don't need them looking at me like I'm crazy" shyly.

Mickey tugged Ian a bit closer muttering "you're not fucking crazy" firmly. Ian softly smiled and looked up at Mickey replying "you're the only one that thinks so" softly. Mickey shrugged his shoulder as he silently looked at Ian thinking they were both idiots. Mickey softly smiled at Ian as he rested his hand on the back of his neck lightly pulling at the longish red hair he loved so much.

He stepped right up against Ian and kissed him and tried to stop himself from grinning when Ian just kissed him back intensely as he pushed him back against the bar and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. The kiss grew heated as Mickey ran his hands along Ian's back pulling the red head right up against him before he stopped kissing Ian and looked at him with a grin asking "so you want to get out of here" curiously.

Ian grinned back while slightly laughing muttering "fuck yeah" and grabbed Mickey's hand before they walked out of the bar and back to their apartment. When they got back to their apartment and shut the door behind them Ian slammed Mickey against the door resting his forehead against Mickey's while rubbing his hands under his tshirt not even looking away asking "how long have you wanted this" curiously.

Mickey slightly groaned as he looked at Ian and pulled Ian right up against him replying "a long fucking time" before pulling Ian back for a kiss. Ian stopped the kiss to look at his friend almost laughing "yeah me too" before grabbing Mickey hand in his own and pulled him towards his bedroom and shut the door behind them for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 with a flashback included.

Mickey had a problem in the form of a red head who was also his best friend. Ever since he admitted his feelings to Ian a month ago he still wasn't sure where they stood and all he could think of was when all of this would go wrong. As he sat on the sofa in his apartment while Ian was at work all he could think about was when would it all go wrong and Ian would stop talking to him for good.

It didn't help that over the last few weeks all he could think about was Ian and he really hated that he was just so enamoured by Ian but at the same time he didn't care at all. Mickey went to the fridge for a bottle of beer wishing he could stop over thinking things and just go with the flow like Mandy always told him he should do.

When he sat back down he glanced over at Ian's bedroom door and remembered the morning after he told Ian he liked him as more than a friend. He silently drank his beer as a small smile crept across his face and he didn't care because there was no one around to see it.

* * *

 

**One month ago**

It was late the next morning when Mickey woke up and he didn't dare open his eyes because of the pounding headache and nauseous stomach from last nights alcohol that just made him want to throw up if he moved at all. He slowly became more awake and realized he wasn't alone in his bed as he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and a warm body pressed right up against his back and he knew they were both naked.

He remembered a flash of red hair and talking to Ian at some point and badly flirting with him too but for some reason Ian found it amusing. Mickey thought it was weird he brought home a red head because no way did he just have sex with his hot redheaded best friend. He didn't mind that he brought some guy home from the bar even though he never did anything like that before in his life but he did mind that the stupid asshole had nerve to think he could stay the night in his bed.

He let out a tired groan that mixed with pain of self inflicted torture as he realized he didn't have the tolerance for drinking alcohol anymore. He mainly blamed Ian for that since he didn't really drink anymore because Ian stopped drinking due to his meds for his disorder. He tried to remember how he ended up bringing a guy home because he normally didn't do that all.

He wasn't really into one night stands but on the very rare occasion he did then he preferred to go to the other guys house for a quick fuck so he could leave after it was over but last night he fucked up and brought a guy to his own apartment. He briefly remembered getting drunk with Mandy and her telling him to put himself out of his misery and talk to Ian or to move on and be done with it because she was sick of his pity parties before she walked off to flirt with some girl over at the bar.

So Mickey sat at the table getting more drunk before he walked over to Ian and badly flirted with him before spilling his guts out to him like some teenage girl with hurt feelings before he kissed Ian and next he knew they were having sex in Ian's bed. Mickey's eyes flew open in shock as he hoped it wasn't true but looking around the room from under the covers he knew he was in Ian's bed that was in the corner off his room and Mickey was caged in between Ian and the wall.

He knew they were naked and the memories of Ian fucking him into the mattress were replaying in his mind so he moved to lie on his back to see Ian sleeping soundly beside him in the bed. Mickey rubbed his face with hand thinking what had he done because there was no way things were okay now and his memory of last night was a bit fuzzy. He could feel his mind wonder how was he going to fix this but he also couldn't bring himself to regret it either despite the rejection he knew would come when Ian woke up.

He hoped Ian wouldn't wake up yet as he wanted to enjoy this moment for a while longer before reality set in and it would be like last night never happened but for a second he wished it was just a dream because it would hurt less. He silently looked over Ian's face and moved a little closer and fought a small grin when he felt Ian curl into his side and lightly kiss his cheek before letting out a content sigh as kept his eyes closed.

Mickey turned onto his side and almost laughed at Ian tangling their legs together under the covers and hugging him tighter not wanting to let him go. Mickey pushed himself right up against Ian and looked over Ian's face as he rested his hand on the back of Ian's head before lightly gripping the back of his neck deciding to put himself out of his misery and get out of Ian's bed before Ian rejected him and told him he didn't see him as more than a friend.

Mickey softly kissed Ian on the lips before moving to crawl over Ian and get out of the bed but as he sat up Ian pulled him back down mumbling "don't leave" tiredly. Mickey lay back down facing Ian to see Ian was wide awake asking "thought you were asleep" lightly. Ian rolled his eyes wrapping his arms around Mickey's waist and pulled them closer together not looking away replying "had to get up to take my meds a while ago, as you know lying down helps the dizziness go away and it was just nice like this here with you" softly.

Mickey narrowed his eyes at Ian wanting to say something sarcastic but he couldn't think of anything knowing that Ian was telling the truth. It wasn't the first time they had shared a bed together when Ian took his meds and would come into Mickey's room and get into bed with him until the side effects went away.

Mickey slightly smiled blurting out before could stop it "yeah it is, I like being here with you" softly. Ian grinned and his eyes lit up but he bit his lip and looked down at Mickey's chest and moved closer pushing his leg between Mickey's and pulled them closer together even through there was no space left between them in the bed. A comfortable silence fell before Ian hesitantly asked "so last night" before falling silent.

Mickey groaned waiting for the rejection while silently letting his fingers trail along Ian's spine. When Ian didn't say anything and Mickey fully remembered what happened last night and everything he said he told his friend "I'm sorry for being asshole last night about you bringing guys back here, it just got to me a little" firmly. Ian nodded looking at the wall as he rested his hand on Mickey's ribs under the covers feeling sleepy again with their body heat making him feel warm before hesitantly asking "you really don't want me and you're moving out" not hiding the fear in his voice.

Mickey noticed Ian looked scared and he hated himself for making Ian feel that way replying "no not if you don't want me to, I was just pissed off last night but I meant the other stuff I said" firmly. Ian softly smirked while moving closer to his friend shyly asking "really" in a small whisper. Mickey looked at him with narrow eyes before scoffing "the fuck do you think, of course I did" softly. Ian bit his lip but it didn't do anything to hide the smile on his face hesitantly replying "I meant everything I said too" shyly.

Mickey softly laughed thinking Mandy was probably right as he let out a sigh of relief "fucking Mandy said we're both idiots, said you never shut up talking about me or some shit, told me to either tell you or get the fuck over it" softly. Ian laughed moving his face a little closer to Mickey's on the pillow taking comfort in their cocoon of his bed under the covers in their own bubble replying "yeah she said something like that to me months ago" humouredly.

Mickey's eyebrows rose asking "the fuck" not hiding the shock from his voice. Ian quietly laughed mumbling "fucking Mandy" lightly. Mickey nodded in agreement just before Ian shyly asked "you really mean what you said last night, that you love me" not hiding the insecurity in his voice and expression. Mickey looked over Ian's face with nothing but love on his expression as he rested his hand on Ian's hip and lightly rubbed the spot almost whispering "yeah" firmly.

Ian didn't look away from Mickey as he fought a small smile pushing himself closer to Mickey replying "me too" softly. Ian rested his forehead against Mickey's as they fell into a comfortable silence before falling back asleep in the bed both of them silently deciding they weren't moving from the spot for the rest of the day.

* * *

**Present day**

As the memory of that morning faded in his mind Mickey silently drank his beer while he ignored whatever show was playing on the TV screen. He just felt too anxious, too afraid and almost like what he had with Ian over the last month was too good to be true. That it wouldn't last because people like him didn't get nice things in life or deserve to be happy.

It didn't matter that Mandy told him that he did deserve to be happy and he just hated that she made it all look so easy. He hated it because it wasn't easy for him at all to let someone else into his life even if it was Ian who he had known since as long as he could remember. Even though before Terry got killed in prison years ago Mickey never really knew his father because he was never home since he was mostly in prison.

And when he wasn't in prison Mickey just grabbed Mandy and they stayed in Ian's house until the bastard landed in prison again which was very frequently. The last time Terry landed in prison seven years ago with a life sentence was the last he heard from his asshole father until he found out the bastard was killed five years ago for pissing off the wrong person. That was when he moved up to where he lived now with Ian for the last four years.

But Mickey knew that Ian helped him a lot over the years especially in dealing with his own sexuality which was hard considering the homophobic hatred he heard from his father when he had no choice but to stay at home in the Milkovich house of horrors. Even the gay bar where they worked made him uneasy at times especially seeing the out and proud types who didn't give a shit about their sexuality of what people thought of them either.

Sometimes he would see Terry in the shadows waiting to jump out and kill him for being in a place where liking what you liked meant acceptance. But then he reminded himself Terry was dead and couldn't hurt him anymore. Mickey just felt like he wasn't good enough for Ian and he knew Ian felt the same way about him too. But he was also afraid this with Ian would all come crashing down because he didn't get nice things in life.

He knew if Mandy were here and heard what he was thinking she would tell him to quit with the pity party again. While he also knew she was right, he just didn't know how to ignore these fears in his head because all he remembered of his father was that Milkovich's don't get nice things in life. As Mickey finished off his beer and put the empty bottle on the table he tried not to think about what would happen now with Ian.

He knew they had crossed a line from friendship into something else and there was no going back on it anymore. He didn't know what this new development meant but he sure felt happy about it and it was the reason he couldn't regret that night. He couldn't regret it because that night he made a move on something he wanted and if it all went wrong in the future then he regretted nothing even though he knew if it did then it would hurt a lot.

* * *

 

Ian was at bar and finally got to the end of his shift and he couldn't wait to get home to Mickey. He really wanted to talk to him about where they stood but he never knew how to bring up the topic. It didn't help that Mandy was sitting on the other side of the bar with a beer in her hand asking "come on have a drink with me, you never come see me anymore" in pleading tone. Ian softly laughed and decided to give in as he grabbed his stuff under the bar and grabbed a glass of water.

He walked around the bar to sit on the seat beside Mandy replying "fine but just one" firmly. Mandy hit him on the shoulder slightly glaring at him "you ignoring me now" lightly. Ian sipped some of his water while looking at the bar top before replying "nope just busy, anyway like you can talk" lightly. Mandy drank her beer before she scoffed "this wouldn't have anything to do with my brother would it" curiously knowing full well that she was probably right because she hadn't seen either one of them since the night she told Mickey what to do about Ian.

Ian decided to be oblivious shrugging his shoulder before looking at her asking "what do you mean" softly. Mandy softly laughed and rolled her eyes replying "you're a fucking idiot" lightly. Ian slightly laughed replying "whatever" lightly. Mandy noticed Ian looked different and decided to stir things up a little asking "so you seeing anyone" curiously. Ian softly grimaced not sure if he should say anything evasively replying "yeah I think so, we haven't worked that out yet" hoping she would let it drop.

Mandy didn't as she rested her elbow on the bar while she picked off the label on the bottle with her fingers glancing over at Ian telling him "I'm not stupid, I haven't seen either of you since that night when I told Mickey to do something about it or get over it" firmly. Ian almost choked on his glass of water looking over at her in shock and probably confusion "you told him that" as he wondered if that was why Mickey was going to move out.

Mandy didn't notice Ian's hurt and shocked expression shrugging her shoulder as she looked past Ian's shoulder at someone who walked in the door replying "got sick of him fucking moping around feeling sorry for himself" lightly. Ian didn't even hide how hurt he felt looking down at the glass of water on the bar top in front of him blurting out before he could stop it "he was going to leave, told me he was done and moving out" in a whisper now wishing he stayed quiet.

Mandy frowned at him not expecting that blurting out "sorry I didn't think he'd do that" softly hating that she caused all of this even though she had good intentions because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. A silence fell before Ian shrugged his shoulder and looked at her replying "its okay, I told him to stay" softly. Mandy really hated herself for doing this to her friend resting her hand on his shoulder replying "no its not, I should have kept my mouth shut, I just wanted him to quit fucking moping and do something about it like he always did but for some reason this time he wouldn't" softly.

Ian decided he couldn't make her feel like shit anymore especially since he knew from her face that she felt really bad over it thinking she caused tension between him and Mickey. Ian slightly shook his head slightly smiling telling her "its fine, he told me how he felt so it worked" lightly. Mandy laughed as she looked at him replying "good, I'm glad you two idiots got together" lightly. Ian laughed rubbing his hand through his hair before asking "were we that obvious" curiously.

Mandy scoffed into her beer replying "you would never shut up so yes you were and it explains why I haven't seen or heard from either of you for the last month" humouredly. Ian lightly pushed her shoulder with his hand replying "fuck you" lightly before laughing knowing she was right because they never left the apartment except for work. They fell into a comfortable silence before Ian grabbed one of the beer mats on the table and tore the edges off hating he felt so anxious blurting out "what if I'm not good enough, I mean I know he isnt going to leave because I'm bipolar but what if he can do better" shyly.

Mandy looked at him warily thinking her brother and friend were well suited for each other replying "this is Mickey we're talking about, he doesn't think he can do better, he thinks he isn't good enough" softly. Ian knew that was true asking "but what if it all goes wrong, I cant lose my best friend" not hiding the fear in his voice. Mandy almost groaned but instead told him "I don't think you will and wouldn't you rather find out if things will go wrong, at least you will know it didn't work and you're better off as friends" firmly.

Ian picked up his glass of water and drank some of it before replying "yeah maybe, just don't want to fuck this up" not adding its the only good thing to happen to me in a long time. He also didn't say he was afraid he would do a Monica and leave if his meds stopped working. Mandy had enough of this almost snapping "just let yourself be fucking happy would you, stop being afraid of who you are and what you really want, quit it with the Monica shit, we're not going anywhere and you know it" firmly as she glared at her friend.

Mandy had heard it all before in that Ian was afraid he would be abandoned again and she was getting tired of saying she wasn't leaving because it wasn't getting through to Ian's brain. Ian looked at her with a shocked expression before slightly laughing replying "yeah okay" knowing she was probably right. They fell into another silence before Mandy changed the conversation and as the minutes passed Ian decided Mandy was right and he was going to talk to Mickey when he got home later.

He knew he was just afraid of what would happen next now that they had crossed that line from friendship to whatever they were now. He knew a part of him was scared to let himself be who he was around Mickey. Mickey just made him feel free, didn't give a shit about his disorder and he knew Mickey would do absolutely anything for him and it scared him a lot. He was too used to being ignored by his own family and it didn't help that they were kind of selfish too.

Ian knew his family knew he could take care of himself but sometimes Ian just felt like he needed someone especially when his meds stopped working and he was just afraid that one day Mickey would decide he had enough and leave. Ian only had that fear because he along with his family had done the same to Monica and in a way they had done that to him too. So his worst fear now was that Mickey would do the same thing even though Mickey said something entirely different to Ian's fears.

But Ian was just afraid to let himself think that Mickey was telling the truth because that fear of abandonment ran deep inside him and it always did for as long as he could remember. But even worse than that was that he was scared of ending up alone and it was probably half the reason why he never made a move on Mickey. He knew he would rather have Mickey as just a friend than not at all but he realized he was probably afraid to take a chance and let himself be happy.

He knew Mickey made him happy but at the same time he was just scared so he decided to stop being so afraid of things that might never happen. But he also knew if things did go wrong then he could never regret the last month no matter what happened in the future. He just didn't know how to bring it up either because he knew neither one of them liked to talk about anything but he also knew Mandy was right.

 

* * *

 

A few days had passed and Ian still hadn't worked up the nerve to say anything to Mickey. He really tried but every time he made an attempt he got distracted by Mickey or found a reason to stay quiet over the whole thing even though he knew he needed to say what was on his mind.

It was his day off work and he was lying on top of his bed in room when he was broken from his thoughts when he felt someone hit him softly on the shin and looked up to see Mickey standing over him asking "are things weird now" curiously. Mickey had noticed Ian was acting a little weird over the last few days. He knew Ian wanted to talk but he was afraid it would be Ian telling him they were better off as friends so he just distracted Ian by any means necessary including initiating sex which always worked.

But when he came home a few minutes ago he noticed Ian was in his weird phase again and he knew he couldn't put what was coming off any longer. So he just braced himself for the rejection and asked Ian were things too weird between them now. Ian shook his head and turned onto his side as he moved closer to the wall to let Mickey lie down beside him on the bed.

Mickey lay down beside Ian who decided to just say it "no, just keep thinking when this will all go wrong" shyly hating that Mickey was staring at him with an unreadable expression. Mickey silently stared at Ian thinking they were both idiots before slightly laughing and looked off to the side rubbing his face with his hand mumbling "yeah same here" softly.

Ian heard it and laughed as he looked at Mickey lightly punching him on the arm almost hissing "why the fuck didn't you say anything" humouredly. Mickey rolled his eyes and lightly kicked Ian on the shin again while slightly smiling at him muttering "same reason you didn't" softly. They fell into a short silence before Ian looked downwards almost whispering "just afraid it will all go wrong, you know like I'll fuck it up and we wont be friends anymore" hating that he just admitted that out loud.

Mickey took Ian's hand in his own as he looked at Ian replying "I know what you mean but wouldn't you rather find out and don't think your getting rid of me that easily" firmly. Ian slightly nodded before hesitating "just think you will realize you can better than my crazy ass that needs meds to function properly" not hiding the self loathing in his voice. Mickey wasn't having and kicked Ian on the shin harder while ignoring Ian's protests at being kicked in the shin retorting "fucking quit it with that shit, we've already had this conversation and I'm not fucking leaving" angrily.

Ian rubbed his kicked shin with his hand muttering "that hurt" softly. Mickey scoffed "good" lightly. Ian scoffed "you're an asshole" lightly as he grabbed Mickey's hand in his own. Mickey nodded in agreement not looking away from Ian blurting out "yeah but you knew that" lightly. Ian rolled his eyes knowing his friend was right when Mickey added "if anything I keep thinking you will realize you can do better" shyly. Ian didn't hide the confusion from his face as he looked at Mickey not even hesitating "fuck no, I could never do better" firmly.

Mickey nodded and looked down at their entwined hands in between them on the bed to hide the slight redness creeping up on his face thinking he was so in love with the redheaded idiot he didn't think he could ever not be and he didn't care at all. Mickey moved right up against Ian putting his arm over Ian's waist and hated just how happy Ian made him feel especially when Ian wrapped his arms around him and pulled them closer together.

Mickey rested his forehead against Ian's before forcing himself to say it before he bottled out of saying it "wouldn't you rather find out, I mean if this doesn't work then we just go back to being friends, think I would rather know than not know" softly. He still wasn't able to look at Ian who just looked back at him replying "yeah same here" softly not adding but I'm just afraid that it will all go wrong and you will hate me forever.

Mickey leaned into Ian and looked up at him and knowing from previous conversations what Ian was now thinking muttered "will never hate you so get that fucking thought out of your head" angrily knowing they had this conversation before a million times. Ian softly laughed as they fell into a silence before Ian blurted out "I'm just afraid of ending up like Monica, don't want to do that shit to you, always showing up and disappearing again for months or years" shyly.

Mickey hated seeing the broken expression on Ian's face not even hesitating with "you're not her, she doesn't give a shit, you do and that's the fucking difference" firmly. Ian nodded while fighting down a small smile and just pushed his leg between Mickey's stumbling over what to say "but what if I don't come back" hating how lost he sounded. Mickey wasn't having it resting his hand on the side of Ian's head replying "then I'll find your ass and drag you back here and force some meds down your throat, its mean but I'll fucking do it if that's what you want" firmly.

Ian silently looked at him before laughing at Mickey's serious expression replying "yeah I know you will" lightly. Mickey reached forward and lightly kissed Ian's lips before letting his hand drop from Ian's head to his arm while anxiously biting his lip. He hated admitting this and he was glad Ian didn't push and let him talk when he was ready as he forced out "I dont feel good enough for you, its why I'm afraid this is all going to go wrong and I'll lose you for good" softly.

Ian disagreed replying "you are, you're always here when my meds pack in on me and I have to get new ones, keep thinking you're going to get sick of me one day and say you've had enough, if anything you're too good for me" softly. Mickey looked at Ian not even hesitating "never going to happen" firmly and he meant it too. Ian slightly smiled feeling warmth spread through him knowing Mickey meant it as he pressed right up against his friend before replying "just afraid of losing you for good" softly.

Mickey scoffed not able to look away from Ian but felt surprised at how easy the words came out "you think its not like that for me, its not easy for me to let people in or get to know me, you know that and you know I don't really have any friends except you" not even adding if I lose you I'm fucked for life because I'll be all alone. Ian felt the weight of the words hit him and he slightly shook his head in agreement before looking back at Mickey replying "I know, its like that for me too only I'm just scared of ending up alone" forcing himself not to add another derogatory comment about his disorder.

Mickey bit his lip anxiously as he nodded before replying "me too but its just why I'm wary about this" softly. Ian nodded not looking away "I know but I still want to find out" pausing before adding "lets just see where it goes and if one of us wants out then we say it and we go back to being friends" firmly. Mickey looked over Ian's face for any doubt and when he saw none and no reason he should have any doubts either he slightly grinned at Ian nodding "alright we'll do that" thinking it sounded like a good plan.

Ian grinned at him asking "really" not hiding the shock from his face or voice. Mickey shoved against Ian with his body slightly laughing "yeah fucking really" lightly. Ian wasn't surprised at how easy the conversation they needed to have came to them but even though they were best friends that knew everything about each other he was surprised at the outcome. Ian thought the fact they both had the same fears meant they could do this just once they were on the same page all the time.

He realized it was just taking the next step in their relationship that was the scary part. It was scary because if it all went wrong they were afraid of losing each other because they needed each other so much. Mickey noticed Ian was own thoughts again and pinched him just below the ribs asking "the fuck you thinking about now" curiously. Ian yelped and rubbed the pinched spot on his side with his hand not hiding the hurt from his face almost whining "that fucking hurt" softly.

Mickey softly laughed and rubbed his hand over the spot he just pinched on Ian's side with his hand muttering "that's what you get" humouredly. Ian glared at Mickey's amused expression muttering "I hate you" angrily. Mickey rolled on top of Ian settling between his legs and rested on his forearms each side of Ian's head scoffing "no you fucking don't" lightly as he looked down at Ian with a small smile.

Ian tried to bite down a small smile forming on his face as he wrapped his arms around Mickey's lower back taking comfort in the weight on top of him and he hoped it wouldn't go wrong. Mickey noticed it and leaned forward deciding to kiss Ian again lightly pulling the red hair he loved so much before looking at Ian muttering "hate you too asshole" humouredly.

Ian laughed knowing there was no truth in those words as it was quite the opposite pulling Mickey closer to him and hugging him tighter before hesitantly asking "so we doing this now, the boyfriend thing" shyly. Mickey rolled his eyes wanting to say 'the fuck do you think' but as he ran his hand through Ian's hair and saw Ian's cautious expression he settled for "yeah we are" lightly knowing it was the truth.

Ian softly laughed and grabbed the back of Mickey's neck and kissed him again and so much more deciding that this right here with his now boyfriend just felt too good to give up any time soon. As the days turned into weeks and then months neither one of them wanted to go back to being just friends because now they were so much more to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


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